Wow 1st April 2017

Age is not turning out to be what I had hoped really. I had thought, like the poem, that I would go into it disgracefully and have more fun than is polite, but on the whole, today, this moment, I am feeling a little disappointed in myself.
Am I wearing clashing colours, having my hair in stripes of green and red and blue, clopping about in custom made clogs? No. My clothes are ones I have worn for years. There is nothing to make the children or grandchildren clasp their hands over their eyes and say 'oh mum'. They don't mind being seen with me. They don't mind telling people who I am and claiming kinship. Drat.
So what am I doing with my aged self?
I sing in a choir which is doing very well, we even won the Cornwall Cup a week or so ago. Sadly I wasn't actually singing in the choir when they won (it's probably why they won) but I will take all reflected glory.
I have moved into a village in Cornwall 5 doors away from my Mother who is actually doing a lot better than I am age wise. Drat.
I started out making cards and paper-crafts and I still really love doing that but this past few months I have extended my range into making tote bags and wash bags and make up bags and cushion covers and even a small quilt. Overall I love doing what I am doing.
We now have 6 grandchildren ranging in age from 23 years to 5 months. Very cleverly, and with no interference from myself, they have managed to arrange themselves into three grandsons and three granddaughters. Tidy. Neat. Nice.
I said many years ago, as my knees started to give me trouble, that I would never become Arthritis. It was obviously going to become part of me but it was never going to take over. Well it might have been a bit previous to sound so pompous and perhaps because of that, the Arthritis is trying to prove me wrong. Nowadays the knees that don't want to work and the neck that aches have been joined by the shoulders that make sleeping a bit of a problem and the wrists that suddenly stab and the fingers that are stiff and a little unwieldy.
Yesterday I missed out on my knee replacement for the second time. Two weeks ago I turned up at the Hospital and after all the tests was told there were no beds so was sent home, a quivering wreck of tears and (stupidly) guilt in that I felt I had let everyone down. Yesterday I turned up at the Hospital and had tests and was dressed in a gown and fitted with a compression stocking and told that Yay there is a bed just for you. I waited in the waiting room with a blanket over my knees to keep me warm only to be told hours later that too many emergencies had come in, I was bumped off the theatre list. Because I had been expecting no beds I knew that had they told me there were none early on I would have coped and been ok. But to be told there was a bed, to be dressed in glamorous operation attire, to be allowed to build up my hope and then to be dashed was too much and I dissolved into tears again. How weak. How stupid. Tears just make your eyes red and your face ugly. They don't change results. So I am back home again.
The NHS is justifiably proud of its past. It was an amazing idea and wonderfully designed to take care of all of us. However since its dream like inception it has become large and unwieldy and  no longer fit for purpose. Nurses need degrees rather than on the ward experience. No-one seems sure what is going on. Money is poured in and falls through without making any perceptible change. Knee jerk reactions to budget overspend means smaller hospitals are closed which puts even more pressure on over worked and understaffed larger hospitals. It results, inevitably, in a clogging of the arteries and no-one any longer gets the service they expect or deserve. And I cannot see that anyone is recognising this and trying to do anything other than firefight. I have sat in a ward and watched nurses who have had no lunch break and possibly no toilet break take five seconds to share a laugh with a colleague and to be maligned because patients are waiting. I noticed that patients ringing bells no longer get attended to straight away. In fact patients may wet the beds because when the bells ring no-one looks up to see who it is. None of the staff react to bells at all any more. They don't have time, they are not on their list of things they must get done before they can go home and care for their children and walk their dogs and finally get some food.
Rant over.
I will get another appointment. This will be my third attempt. Everyone tells me that the Patient Charter says the Hospital cannot on the day cancel more than twice' however I cannot find this anywhere to confirm it. I know that I saw the surgeon for my original consultation back in May last year and the first date I was offered was the end of February (that one was cancelled a week later and the 13th March offered instead) so I don't think the 18 weeks waiting relates to how long you have to wait for an operation just how long you wait between your doctor referring you and the surgeon seeing you. In fact all I can think is that this could go on and on and on forever.
The trouble is of course that I have let the Arthritis in my knees completely take over my life. The pain, no longer numbed by pain killers, is insistent and demanding and life limiting but not life threatening. Walking is painful. Standing is painful. Sitting is painful. Getting up and down can take ages and can be more painful than anything else. Driving is painful. Shopping is painful. Making dinner is painful. Washing up.................. You get the idea. Because of that as soon as I found out the date for my operation I put my life on hold and said - only another so many weeks and then you start the climb out of pain and back into normality. You emotionally align yourself to a pathway and when that path is blocked or even completely broken there is a moment when you cannot really imagine which way you are going to go until someone mends the path, moves the blockage. It is exhausting not only for yourself but for those around you who have also made plans around your temporary indisposition and final well being. I felt stupid for crying both times but actually I still feel like crying. I can no longer see any of the path in front of me, just endless starts on a never ending journey.
Enough wallowing.
Today I plan what I am going to do with this unexpected week. There are things I need to do before my sons wedding on April 11th and all of a sudden I have time to do them.

The quilt I made at Coast and Country classes Coast and Country Crafts

My make-up bag made from off-cuts of Curtain fabric.

A card I made some time ago.

August 31st

Here I am, back in Blogger mood. It has been an amazing summer and family visits have made it speed along. Now it is August, feels like Autumn and I am well and truly back in card mode.

Mum and I have been busy working in our studios and, thanks to my sister Penny and husband Janis, we now have half the garage set up to display our wares. I am lucky enough to have sold several cards since we set this up. Although you cannot see it in this photo there is a wooden elephant money box on the table so people don't even have to talk to us to pay for the cards.

Since I added Mum a Facebook page for her works of art she has sold two to Australia and one silk screen print to a family member in England. It is working better than the gallery, but my brother and son are coming to visit at the end of September and we hope to sort the garage out a little more, brighten it up and make it more attractive to visitors.

There seems to be a trend for Owls this summer, I have an owl purse and owl back pack, so I bought the Sizzix Owl Die and have made some cards which i think are rather lovely.

My card making takes me a long time because I find myself going through all my stash to chose the right papers, looking through all my dies to chose ones i think might work together. Once i have made one card i very seldom make more of the same because i am keen to get on to the next. That's why i am going to take photo's of my cards just so that i can keep an eye on what i have made in case someone asks for a card of a similar ilk.

I have had a couple of commissions for cards and they have been very well received. On top of that some of Mums neighbours have bought cards. Now i just need to find a more regular outlet so that I can at least try to sell more than I spend.

Retirement is turning out to be busier than work was. I go to Mums every day and work in my craft room while she works in her studio or office. We meet up for coffee and lunch and compare notes and sometimes even manage a cup of tea in the afternoon.
I would like to say that i end up making cards every day, but some days i spend so long looking through what I have that I end up with nothing to show for all the hours spent hiding in my craft room.
Never mind I enjoy what i do even if I am sure that others could do a far better job , and as long as others like the cards enough to buy them I think I have chosen the right thing to do in my retirement.

I recently bought the Roald Dahl CD's to go with my Serif Card Making program. I have made a couple of cards and have a commission for another and i am sure i took some photo's but there were so many on both the cameras i think it might take me a while to find them. Next blog perhaps.

June 22nd

Such a busy time since I filled this in last. Moving to Cornwall was, I thought, supposed to introduce a slower pace to our lives, help Janis recover etc... Well Janis is so much better but our lives are certainly not slow.

We had an amazing week with Martin and Nat and Harry. The sun shone and we made as much use of that as we could. In fact it was hot and even slathered in sun cream I burned if I didn't move quickly enough. Of course in Cornwall you sit on a beach and the breeze comes in from the sea, a little fresh, enough to make you put up the wind defences, and those uninitiated in the ways of the coast find themselves burning more quickly whilst moaning about the chill.

We went to Maenporth beach and Harry and Martin splashed in the sea and tried to get the boat to float in the waves. Well it didn't sink, but it didn't really float either. Instead is spun and danced wherever the waves sent it and made Harry laugh out loud.

When it came time to try and get some feeling back into frozen limbs the cups of tea came out and limbs were stretched and a general air of sleepiness descended. Of course there has to be the inevitable selfie to record the moment.

Harry zonked out and spent half an hour dozing in his buggy in the shade.

Awake again the ball games came out. There was a party of German tourists alongside us and amongst them a young man who seemed to want to join us because he hovered watching the play for quite a while. In the end though he went back to his own family without ever joining in. He seemed most impressed with the throw and stick ball game that Nat and Harry were playing.

We went to Newquay harbour and took a boat trip out into the bay. It was a very small boat when we hit the waves which tossed us here and there. I am not normally very good on the sea when it gets a bit rough but for some reason I didn't suffer until nearly the end of the trip by which time it didn't matter if I was turning green because I could see dry land ahead.

Harry came prepared for the day dressed as Jake the Pirate

Before we could go looking for a boat though he had to do a bit of gardening with this pink lawnmower.

The purpose of the trip was to have a go at catching Mackerel. Other than our own party there was a young couple with three boys. They had a line for their party and Martin, Martin and Janis had a line each. A seagull followed us hoping that we would be successful but he was disappointed because the four lines only snagged two mackerel and both were caught within minutes of one another by the other family.

There was a lot of talk about what to do with the two fish we caught and in the end the children all decided that the seals waiting in the mouth of the harbour should be fed rather than saving them to go on Martins barbecue.

On the Friday Martin and Angelica threw a barbecue for their friends and we were invited. It was, again, a lovely sunny day.

It was a lovely evening despite my throwing a ginger beer down mum and soaking her through early in the evening. There were children for Harry to play with but on the whole he was happiest being flown around the garden by his father. Its easy to forget how exhausting it is to have a three year old, but once you see your children with their children it all comes flooding back. Good training for the Iron Man Martin....

On Saturday we went to Mawgan Beach and tried to pretend it wasn't the last day of their holiday.

The boat had sailed happily up the river but eventually it got stuck on the rocks and Martin and Harry waited for it to free itself, but it didn't,

so they threw rocks at it to dislodge it. Sadly this didn't work very well and the boat was damaged beyond repair. Think there will have to be a new boat bought before Harry is next down on holidays.

After lunch Martin buried Harry in the sand

and then Harry buried Martin in the sand...

June 16th

Wow. Such a lot has happened since my last post on here. For one thing we have had the most amazing weather - such a nice break after all the wind and rain of winter and spring.

On Monday 9th June we drove to Somerset, Burnham on Sea, in scorching weather. Of course the air con on the car has stopped working so it was rather a hot and sweaty trip, you cannot have the windows open too far on the Motorway or its like being slapped in the face.

We got to the Haven site and had to queue for a while to book in, our fault for being there just on booking in time, at least it was still warm and dry.

Our Caravan had three bedrooms and a bathroom and cloakroom and a television and a DVD player, now thats real luxury. The bed had a mind of its own. It looked as though it should fit into the frame on the floor, but actually it hovered on Janis' side so every time he sat on the bed or moved it made a loud banging noise. As Janis said hardly the most exotic or romantic of beds, but the mattress was super bouncy so that should make up for it.

Tim and Jo and Lily arrived just after us and they were in the caravan next door to ours, poor things. It felt like ages since I had seen them all. Tim brought Lily round on a visit and she looked as though she might just remember us, but was hedging her bets in case she had the wrong people. That wore off the next day and for the rest of the week i had a lot of Lily hugs and cuddles and even some kisses. I think being a grandmother is the best thing in the world because i only got to see her when she was clean and changed and ready to play, all the nasty up at night, dirty nappy, dirty face things happened to someone else.

 Tim and Jo had lots of fun making sandcastles on the beach at Weston Super Mare (I think they were hoping Lily would join in but she took exception to the feel of sand on her hands); but then the clouds built up and the wind blew so we decided it might be a better idea to find somewhere indoors - perhaps the aquarium. Janis and Tim spent some time trying to pack the windbreak away but every time they thought they had it the wind whipped it away again and in the end it just got stuffed into a corner as there was no way it was going back in the bag. Just as we got everything packed into the buggy we discovered Lily digging for gold in the sand having apparently got over her aversion to dirty hands.


We didn't avoid the rain. It came down in buckets and we dashed into the shopping centre looking like drowned rats, all but Lily who was safely stacked away in her waterproof buggy..

On Wednesday we celebrated Jo's birthday with a trip to the Noahs Ark Zoo and Farm outside Bristol. As you can see, Janis and this chap were getting on really well together.

Lily did a lot of racing around despite the weather, hot, and there were lots of places for her to run.
Most of the time she had either Tim or Jo attached and trying to ensure she stayed upright.

This chappie was having a great day rolling around in a mud bath. Someone told me he came from Brazil, and was part of the largest breed of guinea pig - interesting - and that he had once eaten some but it gave him food poisoning - perhaps I didn't really need to know that?

while Tim and Jo took Lily for a swirl on a tractor tyre I wandered over to the giraffes in time to catch this intimate moment on film. It was soooo sweet.

It was a great day and we all loved the layout - lots of play areas for children of all ages - and the cleanliness of the animals and their pens.

On Thursday we celebrated Janis' birthday with a visit to the crazy golf on the camp site. Can I just say that Tim did the scoring and Tim won and leave it at that? Even though I got a hole in one. Yes, without cheating. It might be something to do with the fact I got maximum points on most of the other holes I suppose.

It was a terrible course and there had to be a lot of discussion around each hole.

So Lily came up with her own version of the game - buggy golf. Think she would probably have beaten us all had we let her loose on the actual holes.

Friday being our last day - boo hoo - we walked through the caravan site into Burnham on Sea - although there wasn't actually any sea, just lots of wet sand. In the end we decided not to build wet sandcastles and had a cold drink and ice cream instead.

Lily really liked my sticks. perhaps she thought she would be able to steer her buggy with them and make a great escape?

We had a lovely week thank you Tim and Jo and Lily and good bye to our caravan.